


Those who are left behind

by Lilith_the_ancient



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Noncanonical Character Death, Sirius Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_the_ancient/pseuds/Lilith_the_ancient
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war is over there are no real winners or heroes, only the ones who are left behind and have to collect the broken pieces of their lives. Diverges from canon somewere after book 4. No horcruxes, but the final battle still takes place, differently. Can be read as either Sirius/Harry or as a platonic godfather/godson relationship, up to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those who are left behind

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually write bleak, angsty fics, but I wrote this thing in an hour after hearing someone I knew had died in an accident. It was some sort of coping mechanism. 
> 
> The song ‘For those who are left behind’ by Autumn was a major inspiration, give it a listen when you're reading this, it's very good.

Walking down the hall I notice how much Hogwarts has changed. It’s frightening. It’s too big, too quiet, too dark. The few students that are still here, who have survived or the first years, are too silent. They talk in hushed voices, no one is running in the halls anymore, pupils pay too much attention in class. It is almost as if we are all ghosts, students and teachers alike.

 

As I pass McGonagall in the hall we nod to each other. It is amazing to see how old she looks. The wrinkles in her face seem to be bone deep, but who am I to judge how she looks, when my own face looks as dead as hers? My hair is snow white now. Imagine that, when I am barely forty years old! I look like Dumbledore, but without the spark in the eyes.

 

I still cannot believe that a year has passed. It all feels so unreal. I think that every teacher here feels the same. Because how could it have been a year ago when I see it happening over and over again every time I close my eyes? I see it so clearly as if I’m there again…

 

 

There at the battlefield. The sun had just started to set and the sky looked blood red. It was as if the sky had taken in all the blood that had not been spilled that day, because the bodies all around me were not splattered in blood, even their robes were not torn or filthy, yet they were all unmistakably dead. The gift and curse or magical warfare. I myself had killed some of them. The Death Eaters on the ground had died by my hand. I was drained of all energy, but still alive.

 

Picking myself up from the ground and looking around, I noticed that I was the only living human being as far as I could see and that the sounds of battle had died down. It was the kind of silence I had never heard before. Even the birds and the wind made no sound.

 

Slowly and carefully I started to walk, making sure to look into every face on the ground. There was only one thing on my mind, one sentence I was repeating over and over: _Please don’t let him be dead_.

 

The further I walked the more faces I recognized. I saw a pretty seventh year girl - what was her name again?  It was something Oriental. Oh right, - Cho Chang. Poor thing had lost her boyfriend at the end of fourth year. He had been the first. It al had started then.

 

I could see some more people like me, the survivors, walking around, looking for relatives, parents, lovers. _Please don’t let him be dead_.

 

There, lying very close to each others were the Weasley twins. Inseparable in life, they even tried to shield each other at the moment of death. A bit further, laid their brother, Bill, a triumphant look gracing his face as he had managed to take a Death Eater with him while dying.

 

I forced myself to walk on, though my legs protested. Then I saw, _no_ , life just couldn’t be so cruel, Mr Weasley holding his wife while she was screaming hysterically, holding the lifeless body of her daughter in her arms.

 

“No, not Ginny too! Not my little girl! Why did he take all my children? I don’t even have one left!”

 

I turned my head away, not able to witness such loss.

 

Walking on, I was confronted with a personal loss myself as I saw the next person lying motionless on the ground. Remus. I kneeled down, trying to fight back the tears, but failing. Well, this meant that I was the last Marauder standing. I had always expected that he would be the last one left. Always the silent force within our little group. Bending down, I kissed him on the cheek. He felt so cold. So unnatural when you know what a warm person he had been.

 

I wanted to sit beside him for a while, hold his hand, but I remembered where I was going, that I had to find someone and my mantra returned: _Please God, Merlin, somebody, don’t let him be dead_.

 

As I was walking the sky turned darker and there were fewer bodies on the ground. Looking on the right from me, I saw a figure sitting on the ground, rocking gently back and forth. Draco Malfoy. The first urge to Avada Kedavra the little shit passed me when I saw the look on his face. It was blank, totally overcome with grieve and helplessness. His parents, his whole family, his friends, all dead. It was true, this war had no winners or losers, no good or bad guys anymore. We all had lost, we all were sad and we all were terrified. _Please don’t let him be dead_.

 

I felt panic rise in me as I walked towards the outskirts of Hogwarts’ grounds. There were no bodies there, no living people either. I started to fear that maybe somewhere I had missed a body or that maybe his body was unrecognizable, but I immediately dismissed that thought. I could not think like that, I could not give up hope. He had not even given up hope this morning. The night before, he had cried, he had raged, he held on to me like he would never let me go again, but in the morning he had stood up with the same determination  as always. Never gave up hope that one. So neither could I now. _He is NOT dead!_

 

With power I did not think I posessed I strolled forward and then I saw…

 

I saw him. His silhouette illuminated by the setting sun. Hair tousled, limping, robes torn, sword in one hand, wand in the other, all covered in blood, – his blood or someone else’s? It was hard to tell.- but still standing. My wonderful, beautiful, brave Harry.

He saw me and smiled.

 

I crossed the distance between us as fast as my legs could carry me, but before I could wrap him in my arms he stretched out a hand to stop me and backed away.

“Harry?”

 

“Please stay back Sirius, don’t touch me.” His voice sounded hoarse and his smile was sad. He looked as if he would fall over any minute. Why did he hold me back?

 

“Sirius, there is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it like it is. I’m dying.”

 

“What?” _WHAT?!! But he can’t be dying! He is ok, he is standing in front of me for Merlin’s sake!_

 

“Voldemort. I’ve killed him, but when he knew he was dying he cursed himself. This is his blood on me. I had to kill him with the sword as our wands refused to duel. It’s poison. It’s already mingling with my own blood. I think I have half an hour left. It’s enough. Just enough to say what I have to, what I always wanted to say.”

 

My mind was racing like crazy. I could not believe what I had just heard. He could not be dying. Not now, not after finally having defeated Voldemort, not after everything was over at last, not when I had him back again.

 

“Listen to me Sirius, I don’t have much time. I want to tell you that I love you. I’ve never loved someone like this and never would have even if I still would have a whole life ahead. And I am not scared of dying. I’ve faced death often enough to lose my fear of it. I can hear my parents calling me Siri. They wait for me. They are proud of what I’ve done. They tell me not to be afraid or sad.” Harry then got a dreamy look on his face. Was he already slipping away? I felt tears run down my face, but did not even bother to wipe them away anymore.

 

“Please don’t cry. I have always known that today would be my last day. It was my destiny, my real reason to live: to defeat Voldermort or die trying and I did defeat him, though I really had hoped that it would take less innocent lives…”

 

“Don’t say this. Don’t give up so easily. You’ve never done that. I’m sure there’s a remedy…a potion or something. We can find Snape…”

 

“Snape is dead. He jumped in front of a curse a Death Eater tried to fling at my back. Who would have thought, huh? Severus Snape dying, protecting Harry Potter. He turned out to be a hero after all.”

 

“But what about Fawkes? Phoenix’s tears can heal…”

 

“The poison has already mingled with my blood. There is really nothing anyone can do now.” He sighed, looking at me with the wisdom a 17 year old boy should never have had.

 

“Who did we lose? I know Ron is dead and Snape and Dumbledore, but I’ve missed the biggest part of the battle. I was too busy with Voldemort.”

 

“The Weasleys are alive, but they have lost all their children…” Harry gasped and his look turned even more sorrowful. “…Remus is gone…”

 

“I’m sorry, I know you loved him.”

 

 _I love you more! Don’t leave me!_ I wanted to scream, but I did not want to make it even harder for Harry, so I just continued naming the people who had perished.

“…Cho, Seamus, Professor Sprout,…Draco’s whole family, though that’s not a big loss.”

 

“Don’t say that. All the lives that had been taken are a loss.”

There was a silence in which neither of us moved or spoke. Then Harry’s knees buckled and he landed on the ground. I made an attempt to catch him, but once again he held out his hand to stop me.

 

“Please Harry let me hold you for the last time.”

 

“No, you’ll get poisoned too.”

 

“I don’t care, then I’ll die with you. I don’t want to live without you!”

 

“NO!” I saw the strength and bravery of the one who had killed Voldemort in the look Harry gave me that moment.

“Listen to me Sirius. I want you to promise me, no, swear to me, that you will keep living when I’m gone.”

 

_How could he ask me that? How could I live without him? Why should I live without him?_

 

“I want you and the others who have survived to keep the hope, keep the spirit. I want you all to rebuild Hogwarts. I want to know that the place I loved so much will become a safe haven again for all the new students. I want to know that I didn’t fight for nothing, didn’t die for nothing. If I know that my life has had a meaning, that I really have done something great, then I can die peacefully, I…”

His words were interrupted as he suddenly clutched his stomach in what appeared to be a cramp. It hurt to see him like that, not able to help him, but I still looked. Then he raised his head and looked me right in the eyes.

 

“Promise me that Sirius. This is my last wish. I need you to promise me.”

And before I knew what I was doing, I promised. Promised to keep his dream alive, to keep his hope alive.

 

 

And now, walking the grounds of Hogwarts, I know that he is proud of me. Somewhere. And that one day we will meet again. Until that day I will keep on breaking the record of being Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts for the longest amount of years in a row.


End file.
